30 Days of Buffy and Feminism

 So I've been gone awhile, huh?  Well, I'm going to get back into blogging with one of my favorite topics: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and feminism.  This meme has been floating around Tumblr, and there are a few different versions that I've found.  I may try to do all the different ones I can find so this may go longer than 30 days. A few disclaimers before I get started.

1.  THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.  Most likely for all 7 seasons at one point or another.  So if you haven't watched all of the show, don't read this until you do.  I don't want to ruin this show for you.
2.  Speaking of 7 seasons, the only canon I am using for this is the TV show.  I have not read any of the comics that could be considered canon and I have not watched all of Angel yet (I know, I'm working on it!) so none of that will make appearances here.  So if I miss something about a character that happens in Angel, it's because I'm only working off seasons 1-7 of Buffy.
3.  Not all of this is going to be feminist ranting, there will be some days that I just have fun with it.  But be warned, there will also be a lot of instances of Reading Too Much Into It and Taking This Shit Too Seriously.  I am not only using Buffy as entertainment here but also as a sociological and cultural lens.  Note that there is a reason for choosing this show as subject for a feminist blog.  The creator, Joss Whedon, has discussed many times how feminist he is and how feminist this show is.  I agree with that in some ways more than others, but we'll get to that in the next month.
4.  I want my readers to participate!  I want comments.  If you have your own blog and you want to do this meme, let me know and I will link to it here.
5.  A lot of the times I'm not going to necessarily pick my first choice for something, I'm going to be picking an unexpected choice.  For example, who doesn't love Willow and Tara together or the episode Once More With Feeling?  I'll give a few runners-up or alternate choices for everything, though.
6.  I have a LOT of controversial opinions about this show.  You have been warned.

Okay, I'm going to post my Day 1 thoughts in a bit, so stay tuned!

Rape Jokes and the Humorless Feminist

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"Not funny."

My friends are really really fond of that joke.  I can't explain why because--and I see the irony here--I just don't find it funny.  I guess the idea of the "humorless feminist" is deeply planted in the minds of the American public--we don't find anything funny, everything offends us, we're uptight and buzzkilling and we hate comedy and testicles.  I'm here to tell you that's bullshit.  There are a number of entirely offensive comedians and movies and TV shows that I find hilarious: Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, George Carlin, the occasional episode of South Park, plenty of guys that just talk about dicks all the time.  I get it, it's comedy and if it's done cleverly and correctly it's funny.  I even sit through the occasional episode of Tosh.0.  Well, I used to, anyway--no longer.

Many of you may have heard about this already, but if not, allow me to explain.  Now, here is the whole story according to the Tumblr account, half of which is entirely ignored by the Huffington Post article.

A woman and her friend were trying to decide what to do one night and her friend suggested they go see a comedy show.  They decided that it sounded like fun, and there were several comedians performing that night.  Dane Cook was the only one they recognized, so they went deciding to give the people they hadn't heard of a chance.  One of those people was Daniel Tosh--who it would be easy to have never heard of if you hadn't seen his show--and they quickly discovered they'd made a mistake.

So apparently Tosh asked the audience what they wanted him to talk about (this is according to the comedy club manager, who may very well be entirely clueless) and the audience responded "rape!" which is...a whole other thing that needs to be talked about.  So after Tosh goes on and on about how rape is hilarious this woman got upset, which is entirely her right, and called out that she didn't ever think that rape is funny.  It wasn't that she called him a douche while she did it or told him that his face is stupid or walked up to the stage and threw a baseball at his crotch.  That was all she said.

He proceeded to--depending on which source you believe--either talk about how hilarious it would be if she specifically were raped by five guys RIGHT THEN, or say that she sounded like she'd been raped by five guys.  Either way...well, come on, let's think about this.

I made the mistake of reading the comments on that Huffington Post article.  DO NOT MAKE MY MISTAKES.  There are a few points at play here and I want to address them all.

I want to get the First Amendment thing out of the way here before anything else because I'm sick of this "it's a free country!" argument.  No one, including the woman who was told it would be hilarious if she was gang-raped, is claiming that Tosh should be put in jail for what he said.  He had every right to make jokes about rape, she had every right to stand up and say something, and he had every right to respond.  But the First Amendment doesn't come without consequences, and she had every right to go out and tell whoever she wanted about what happened.  I don't want this guy to have to pay a fine, go to jail, or even have his show cancelled because of what happened.  But I have every right to criticize him for saying what he said, and so I will.  He can go right on ahead and keep making rape jokes but I'm going to keep on finding him disgusting for it.

I have seen many people--including people I know--say that he should be free to say what he wants and she knew what she was getting into by going to a comedy club and heckling him.  That still DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY.  Is it less bad than if this exchange had happened on the street?  Maybe.  But he still told a woman it would be funny if she got raped, and there is nothing funny about that.  She went to the show--as is said in the article--without knowing who he was.  I don't think "oh, it's a comedy club, he can say the most offensive thing he wants" excuses the fact that we, as a culture, condone that kind of behavior from stand-up comedians.

I'm going to Aaron Sorkin out here a bit for a second, so just bear with me.  Prepare for dewy-eyed optimism about how we're better than this.

When did we get to the point where just saying the most "edgy" (read: offensive) thing you can possibly think of is comedy?  With no context?  I mean his bit appears to literally have been "haha rape is so funny."  No, it isn't.  George Carlin has been brought up a lot in the discussion about this incident, and I'll agree with what he said about any subject being funny if you put it on its head and put it in a context of social criticism.  Since when were we all just playing to the lowest common denominator and yelling "Dead babies!  People falling over!  The Holocaust!  Rape!" and suddenly it's just comedy? 

There are rape jokes that are funny.  I'm going to post a video of one below.  Please be so kind as to skip ahead to 15:45 in this video.  End at about 17:30.

Now this joke is funny because it turns the societal expectation on its head.  He talks about how absurd it would be if he, as a man, had to worry about being raped all the time and how unlikely the circumstances would be if he were raped.  That is societal commentary, and it's still funny.  It's not just "HAHA RAPE!" and that's the joke.

Which brings me to another point.  The Daniel Tosh incident--and male comedians making fun of rape in general--is a male privilege issue.  Yes, it is.  Rape can be hilarious to you if you don't have to worry about it all the time.  You can make jokes about it without having to be concerned with the reality of it.  Saying to a woman that it would be funny if she got raped or that she only thinks a joke isn't funny is because she got raped is actually scary.  It could actually happen.  That woman could really have been a rape survivor.  And that's what truly makes it gross.

Now, are there off-color female comedians, too?  Absolutely.  Someone in the dreaded Huffo comments brought up Lisa Lampanelli, who I am personally not a fan of at all, and how offensive she can be.  And you're right, we should not get a free pass for being women just like men shouldn't get a free pass for being men.  Comedy continues to be an old boys' club, unfortunately.  Adam Carrolla was kind enough to point out just how un-funny women are--in another statement of hilaaaarious racism and sexism--a few weeks ago.  There is a LOT of sexism in comedy, from the fact that women and rape are the butt of so many jokes to the fact that female comedians often get stuck talking about tampons and how much dating sucks if they want to sell at all. 

I am sick of hearing that women--especially feminists--are not funny or that we're entirely humorless.  I don't find things funny that I can relate to in no way, shape or form and that's what so much of male-centric comedy is, especially when it involves rape.  I cannot FATHOM finding the word "rape" funny when it's just tossed out there.  Because that joke isn't for me, it's for all the frat guys who want to feel edgy and guffaw at something that doesn't require them to think.  Why SHOULD I find that funny?  It wasn't intended for me. 

Daniel Tosh released a half-assed "apology" over Twitter and I'm sure his fanbase will not change at all because they didn't care in the first place.  I know I won't be watching him again.  He has made it clear that I am not his desired audience, and I don't find him funny anymore at all after that.  I want to be optimistic enough to believe that this will at least start a conversation, but I doubt it--this frat boy culture is apparently pretty powerful and lucrative, so I'm not hopeful for too much examination.  I just want to say that I do find lots of things funny--even farts, and even jokes about boobs, and even swearing and penises and on a rare occasion or two even Dane Cook.  But when women, and feminists especially, are the joke, how are we supposed to laugh for the ten millionth time?  It gets exhausting.

And a word of advice to comedians:  If you can't pull off the rape joke, just don't even try.  It just comes off as sad.

The Pop Music Project: 2011

This is the beginning of a project I've been building up to for a couple months.  It'll be a series of posts and will probably take quite a while, as I have 21 years to cover here.

It all started in the beginning of March when I was in the car and "I'm Just A Girl" by No Doubt came on the radio.  It got me thinking about pop music, and about some of the amazing tunes made by women back in the '80s and '90s that were pretty daring and actually feminist.  Then I started thinking about pop music today and a question formed in my head: Do they make pop music like this anymore?

So I decided to empirically answer that question.  First, I looked at the Billboard Top 100 songs for every year from 1990 to 2011 and counted how many each year were made by female artists.  I made a spreadsheet and everything!  Then I decided I was going to have to go deeper and look at content.  So I embarked on the sometimes interesting, sometimes mind-numbing, and surprisingly exhausting journey of listening to and reading the lyrics of every single Top 100 song for the past 21 years.  I'm going to compile my findings bit by bit here.

I'm going to start with 2011 today.  For every year I'm going to post some interesting thoughts, along with ten songs that I feel are exceptionally good--or bad--from a feminist perspective.  I'm trying to be objective because, frankly, the majority of the stuff from 2011 is truly awful.  There are also a lot of dimensions you could examine in these lyrics, but I'm going to attempt to stick with misogyny, at least in these deeper analyses.  So let's get started.

Bad Song: If I Die Young by The Band Perry

This song clocked in at number 35 on the Billboard charts.  It's one of those pop country songs that has become so popular over the past few years, though it's a bit more depressing than your average Taylor Swift ditty.  It is sung by the female vocalist who basically sings her will--"If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down in a bed of roses."  That's creepy enough, but then there's these lines.

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom

I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger

I've never known the loving of a man

But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand.

So that's about dying a virgin and going to Heaven.  And I'm fairly certain that the second line here references a purity ring, which is not surprising but still pretty gross.  I understand that the very religious idea of women only staying pure through their virginity has really caught fire over the past few years, especially in younger people who would be listening to this kind of country-pop music, but this is blatant.  Even more blatant than in Lady Antebellum's "Just A Kiss" or in "Don't You Wanna Stay", a duet between Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean.  These are both songs with both male and female voices who talk about how they want to wait to have sex because this could be true love and they don't want to ruin it (from the latter song, "I don't wanna just make love, I wanna make love last").  Apparently this is becoming a trend.

Good Song: Fuckin Perfect by Pink

There were a lot of you're-special-and-shouldn't-get-down-on-yourself songs this year, very much in the vein of "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera.  We had "Firework" by Katy Perry and "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga.  I promise I picked this for a reason, and not just because I can't stand Katy Perry and Lady Gaga.  First of all, Pink has a pretty good track record of being genuine and positive.  This song is no exception.  This song isn't some generic placating song about being special and awesome, this is a song about actually wading through shit and coming out the other side smelling like roses.  It's about telling people that even if they don't appear amazing to themselves they are, and I honestly believe that Pink feels this way from the way she sings this.  Maybe I'm biased--I've been a Pink fan ever since she was belting out songs telling men that she wanted them for how they treated her and not for their money.  Is this another inspirational pop song aimed at hormonally-imbalanced teenagers?  Sure, but for once I believe this one may actually get through.

Bad Song: E.T. by Katy Perry

 Now I'm going to explain to you why I do not like Katy Perry.  This song.  This song is...creepy on so many levels.  Basically, it's a song talking about a skilled lover and her infatuation with him using the metaphor of being an alien.  Unfortunately, Katy Perry takes it too far.  And if Katy Perry takes it out of this world, Kanye West takes it out of this galaxy.

The chorus here actually includes the lines "Take me, wanna be a victim, ready for abduction."  THE CHORUS. The first verse also includes lines about how everyone is telling her to be afraid of this guy because he's weird and possibly dangerous, but she can't stay away.  I have been there, ladies and gents, and that is never a good sign.

But if that's blatantly bad, it gets worse--these are the last lines of Kanye West's verse:

Tell me what's next

Alien sex,

I'mma disrobe you

Then I'mma probe you

Yeah, I abducted you

So I tell you what to do.

If anyone ever says those words to you, scream and run away.  Please.  Pepper spray him, if you have it on you.  Ick.  Apparently, not enough people know that that SHOULD be the response to those words, because this song was the number 4 song in 2011.  Think about that for a minute.

Good Song: The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco

There were a lot of club songs last year.  There were a lot brag songs last year, too.  There are a lot of songs in rap in general that talk about coming up from nothing to being a star.  And this is all three of those, and none of them at the same time.  Again, it's about being genuine.  When I listen to the lyrics of this song, I hear him actually telling kids in the hood to stand up and keep going.  And there's a line about teachers!  And the Gaza Strip!  How often do you hear that?

But this list is about women, and their place in these songs.  But here's the thing about this song: it doesn't mention women once.  Not in a completely ignoring them way, just in a not singling them out to be objectified way.  Most brag songs aren't just about how much you drink or the cars you drive but how many women you've slept with.  There is absolutely none of that in this song at all.  And that makes it exceptional!  I know that is a low expectation but I promise you every single other brag song that made the top 100 last year had at least one line about fucking lots of women.  That, mixed with the positive message of this song, earns it a pretty good grade in my book.

Bad Song: Bottoms Up by Trey Songz and Nicki Minaj

Only part of this song is on this list, so if you're going to watch this video skip to 2:25.  

I wanna talk about Nicki Minaj for a moment.  She's a big deal these days, and it's awesome that there is a really talented female rapper hitting it big.  But her lyrics are often problematic.  They go beyond bragging into woman-on-woman hating:

If a bitch try to get cute I'll stomp her

throw a lotta money at her then y'all fuck her

fuck her, fuck her, then y'all fuck her

then I'mma go and get my Louisville Slugger

I'm not quite sure what is happening here, but I'm fairly certain that she's talking about beating the shit out of a woman.  To add a cherry to that crap sundae, she follows this with "Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm really such a lady."  At the end of her verse she inexplicably applauds Anna Nicole Smith and then goes back to talking about drinking.

Here's the thing about Nicki Minaj: I want so badly to like her and some of her verses are good (check out her verse in the Kanye West song "Monster" for a good example) but she seems to have a major case of Special Snowflake Syndrome.  She had two other big hits this year, "Super Bass" and "Moment 4 Life", and in both of them she referenced "jealous hos".  And in the beginning of 2012 she released a song called "Stupid Ho".  Not exactly Girl Power-y.  Let's hope for better in the future.

Good Song:   Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce

There are a lot of great breakup songs made by women, and Beyonce has made them into an art form.  This one is no exception.  I suppose this isn't technically a breakup song, since it's more about realizing that a guy is a total asshole before getting too involved.  This is one of those songs that you can dance around your bedroom to, drinking a beer after a bad heartbreak.  She's pretty empowered here--she realizes that she can do so much better and that she doesn't feel bad for this guy's hurt feelings after he hurt her.  It's a shame this one only made it to number 86 because I think it's pretty damn relateable.

Bad Song: 6 Foot 7 Foot by Lil Wayne

This song is just...gross.  Like I feel like I have to take a shower after I listen to it.  It's just a brag song but it has some of the most disgusting lines I've read in looking at all of these songs.  I'm just going to leave them here for you, without comment.  There's not much more to say.

Two bitches at the same time, synchronized swimmes,

got the girl open 'cause she open when I twist her,

never met the bitch but I fucked her like I missed her.

Life is a bitch, and Death is her sister.

Then, later...

Had my heart broken by this woman named Tammy,

but hoes gonna be hoes, so I couldn't blame Tammy.

Charming.

Good Song: Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

This song does not contain a sentiment that is new. In fact, the title is straight-up ripped off Billy Joel.  But it's refreshing to hear this these days as so many pop songs by male artists are either degrading or condescending towards women.  But here, Bruno Mars tells the girl he loves that she's great as is.  What a novel idea.

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change

'cause you're amazing just the way you are.

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile

'cause, girl, you're amazing just the way you are.

This song ISN'T perfect just the way it is--most of the things that he compliments are physical traits and not, say, her intelligence or her interests--but at least he's saying that he would never ask this girl to change and that he thinks she's perfect, right?  It's a breath of fresh air amongst all the "I don't fall in love, I just fuck" pop songs of recent history.

Too bad he had to just go ahead and blow up all that good will with a...

Bad Song: Grenade by Bruno Mars

It's really just such a shame.  But this song is terrible, and I'll tell you why.  I haven't mentioned the concept of the "Nice Guy" on here yet, so allow me to explain.  "Nice Guys" is a misnomer, because guys like this are actually jerkoffs.  They are the kind of guys who believe that if they do enough nice, sentimental, sweet things for a girl she will reach a point of saturation and be obligated to have sex with them.  And when she doesn't, she's a bitch who only dates assholes.  They see girls as giant sex vending machines and throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way.  And this song is their anthem.  

I'd catch a grenade for ya, throw my hand on a blade for ya,

jump in front of a train for ya, you know I'd do anything for ya,

I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain,

yes I would die for you, baby, but you won't do the same.

First of all--and this is not an original observation--these are some pretty extreme lyrics and there are very few circumstances under which a guy would actually have to do any of these things for any constructive purpose.  Secondly, if you have the feeling that you like a person this much and they don't like you at all, it's probably time to just move on and not tell her that she's a "bad woman" or say that she's from Hell.  That doesn't really help matters.  But this song charted up at number 6 for the year, so maybe I'm alone in seeing this.

Good Song/Bad Song: Rolling In The Deep by Adele

So here's the thing about this song.  I want to be able to put it as a good song because it was the NUMBER ONE SONG OF THE WHOLE YEAR and it was by a woman singing powerful lyrics and doing it with a lot of talent.  Unfortunately, that would be hypocritical because this song is, in many ways, the female equivalent of Grenade.  It is about a woman after a breakup who is incredibly angry and honestly just wants a lot of revenge.  And she gets it by tearing this guy to shreds in this song.  I don't think I'm okay with that, even if it is a "Yeah, tell him!" kind of song that we've all felt at some point.  

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold

and pay it back in kind, you reap just what you sow.

So I conclude the best--and worst--songs from 2011 with a toss-up.  Which is fair.  Lyrics are a form of poetry and poetry is never black-and-white.  Maybe we'll see some more stark contrasts in 2010.

Some General Thoughts on 2011's Top 100

• 44 of the top 100 songs were by female artists or collaborations between male and female artists.  Six of the top ten were either female artists or female/male collaborations.  
• If you haven't figured this out yet, that really catchy Foster The People song, Pumped Up Kicks?  With the whistling and the kinda indie-rock feel?  Definitely about a kid bringing a gun to school.  We all on the same page with that?  Cool.
• I found a Lady Gaga song I like!  It's called You And I and it is absolutely nothing like the rest of her work.  She has such an amazing voice and she actually uses it in this song.
• Chris Brown is a disgusting human being, both musically and in reality, though I'm sure this isn't news.
• There were a lot of electronic dance jams this year, and that wasn't something exclusive to male or female artists.  In both cases they used the opposite sex like props--Ke$ha (I hate typing that) talks about hitting on dudes hard while they drink and almost every male dance jam talks about women as if they are giant asses walking around the dance floor.  I kind of hope this trend ends.
• As much as I want to like Black and Yellow by Wiz Khalifa I can't, there are some really terrible lines in there.  Could he rep Pittsburgh without talking about how women love him because he sleeps with their best friends?
• I couldn't include this song in the list because I don't think it goes one way or another on the feminist thing, but everyone please go listen to Fuck You by Cee Lo Green.  It is an amazing song, I promise you won't regret it.

The 2010 list is coming soon!  

An Open Letter To The Guys Sitting In Front Of Me At The Avengers Last Night

I am going to put an anti-spoilers alert on this one: I promise that I will do everything in my power to avoid spoiling any part of this film so that if you haven't seen it yet you can still read this.

Dear douchebag dweebs sitting one row down and two seats over from me,
I know you noticed I'm a woman, and that one of the two people I was with at the midnight opening was a woman, because you had a conversation with us about an hour before the movie started.  That conversation also happened to be about how packed the theater was, so you had to notice how many other women were there, too.  And unless you read this POS article and believed it, you HAVE to know that there are girls who are fans of superhero movies and comics, right?

So can you cut us a little slack?  I saw just as many women as men in that theater last night but do you know how many women I saw on that big movies screen?  Three, and one of them was Pepper Potts so that really doesn't count.  Do you know how many men I saw?  A lot.  Now, I've seen a lot of movies--especially superhero movies--at midnight openings.  And I've seen all of the Marvel origin films leading up to this film.  Guess which Avengers got their own films?  Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Incredible Hulk.  What did Black Widow get?  A little sidebar in Iron Man 2.

Now let's widen the net a little to all superhero movies.  When is the last time a good superhero film was built around a female superhero?  Can you remember?  I can't.  Now let's try another angle: when was the last time you saw a strong woman in one of the male-centered superhero movies?  Some claims could be made, surely...a case could be made for Peggy Carter in Captain America being a strong female character, but in the end she kind of ends up falling into damsel-in-distress category.  Same with Pepper Potts in Iron Man and even Jane Foster in Thor.  Mary Jane in the (now old news) trilogy of Spider-Man films is even worse.  We are left to hope that Anne Hathaway can bring something good to Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises this summer.

And let's talk about what they gave Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff to do in Iron Man 2 in that time that he character was introduced.  Did she kick some ass?  At times yes.  Did we see her in tight business outfits, leather catsuits and at one point in her underwear?  Naturally.  When she fought, did she get down and dirty or just kind of kick and punch while making some very sexy poses the whole time?  I think that one can be rhetorical.  That is one thing I will say for The Avengers (without saying too much)--at least they don't relegate her completely to sexy-fighting in skintight leather.  Now, what does it say about this genre that I have to be happy about THAT?

There are a lot of female fans of comic books and superheros, a really surprisingly large amount.  We don't see much to relate to on that screen.  We want to feel like we can kick ass, too, but that's not what the entertainment industry is telling us most of the time.  Sure, we can be the love interest or the token character without any superpowers, but we can't be the chick weilding the giant hammer or the woman in an awesome titanium suit.  We end up as pretty, pretty window dressing that's the backdrop to a bunch of explosions and manly fighting.

So could you please, please, PLEASE not make sexual innuendos and loudly guffaw at each other every time Scarlett Johansson is on screen?  Do you think you could give us the opportunity to enjoy our one measly female character without you obnoxious dudebros high-fiving about how much you want to bone her one row down?  I'm not gonna lie, there was some nice eye candy of both genders on that screen.  But you didn't hear me howling "yeah, baby!" every time one of the male leads was onscreen.  Us ladies, we don't get to have a lot of role models in superheros, and you get to have pretty much all of them.  A lot of us would like that to change, but it's certainly not guys like you that are leading the charge for powerful--and maybe even non-sexualized---female leads in these films.

So maybe just keep those thoughts to yourself until you can get home later tonight and bring them back up with a bottle of lotion and a few Kleenex, okay?  I certainly don't need to hear it.
Thank you.


By the way, everyone, The Avengers was amazing and please for the love of God go see it, you won't regret it.  It surpassed expectations and Joss Whedon did a truly amazing job, as he almost always does.  I have another post for you later today--I know, shocking after a month and a half of nothing!--and it's another entertainment post, so enjoy!